Community Grief & Gratitude Ritual Retreat
Santa Cruz, CA
Friday January 31st to Sunday February 2nd
Retreat is Full
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Why Choose to Grieve?
“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.” - Khalil Gibran
Francis Weller writes, "Grief has always been communal, always been shared and consequently has traditionally been regarded as a sacred process. Too often in modern times our grief becomes private, carrying an invisible mantle of shame forcing our sorrow underground, hidden from the eyes that would offer healing. We must restore the conversation we need to have concerning the place of grief in our lives. Each of us must undertake an apprenticeship with loss."
In these times we often don’t have access to a healthy communal space to express grief and sorrow.
We’re taught that grief is something to be done only in extreme circumstances, and if grief is expressed,
it should be done quickly and privately.
This leads us to carry the burden of unprocessed and unwitnessed grief throughout our lives.
When we don’t allow grief to move we’re left feeling heavy-hearted and alone.
This can lead to numbing grief with distraction, addiction, or isolation.
It also numbs us from the joy, wonder, and beauty that life has to offer.
"In many traditional cultures throughout the world, the wholesome expression of grief arising from life’s inevitable sorrows and losses was known to be most effectively released in a communal setting. It was recognized that unexpressed grief could be toxic, leading to illness, depression, addiction, even damaging and violent behavior towards oneself or others. It also was known that through supporting one another, welcoming the many faces and forms of grieving, holding compassionate witness in a sacred ritual container, that a people could reweave the bonds of connection and belonging." (Laurence Cole)
We’re taught that grief is something to be done only in extreme circumstances, and if grief is expressed,
it should be done quickly and privately.
This leads us to carry the burden of unprocessed and unwitnessed grief throughout our lives.
When we don’t allow grief to move we’re left feeling heavy-hearted and alone.
This can lead to numbing grief with distraction, addiction, or isolation.
It also numbs us from the joy, wonder, and beauty that life has to offer.
"In many traditional cultures throughout the world, the wholesome expression of grief arising from life’s inevitable sorrows and losses was known to be most effectively released in a communal setting. It was recognized that unexpressed grief could be toxic, leading to illness, depression, addiction, even damaging and violent behavior towards oneself or others. It also was known that through supporting one another, welcoming the many faces and forms of grieving, holding compassionate witness in a sacred ritual container, that a people could reweave the bonds of connection and belonging." (Laurence Cole)
When we choose to grieve:
We choose to feel both the joy and sorrow of life.
We choose the shared connection that each of us hold.
We choose to not be alone.
We choose to belong.
We choose to live fully.
We choose the shared connection that each of us hold.
We choose to not be alone.
We choose to belong.
We choose to live fully.
What Do We Grieve?
"It is a terrible source of grief in itself not to be able to grieve.” - Martin Prechtel
The grief we carry can show up in many different ways, often we find ourselves experiencing various forms of grief throughout our days and lives. Francis Weller in his book "The Wild Edge of Sorrow" writes about the 5 Gates of Grief:
The 5 Gates of Grief
First Gate: Everything we love we will lose.
● Losing someone or something we love
● Loss of those who depart this Earth before us; our parents, spouse, children, siblings, friends
● Loss of home, beloved animals, places you have loved
● Loss from illness or injury; treasured skills and capacities
● Loss of a life dream
Second Gate: The Places that have not known love
● Places in ourselves never touched by love
● Places wrapped in shame and banished
● Places lived outside of compassion, warmth and welcome
● Parts that we hate in ourselves and hold in contempt and that we deny the healing power of community
● Outcast portions of our soul appearing as addictions, depression, anxiety and other symptoms calling for our attention.
Third Gate: The Sorrows of the World
● The losses of the world around us
● Daily diminishment of species, habitats and cultures
● Sorrow for the Earth (not personal but shared and communal)
Fourth Gate: What we expected and did not receive
Things we may never realize we have lost, because we weren’t born into a village with full joyous welcome of our gifts
And so we carry:
● Unconscious disappointment
● Feelings of loneliness and aloneness
● Diminished experience of who we truly are
At the core of this grief is our longing to belong and longing to be longed for.
Fifth Gate: Ancestral Grief
Unacknowledged and untended sorrow of those who came before us:
● Lost connection to land, language, imagination, rituals, songs, stories of their/our ancestors
● Sense of homelessness, orphaned between old and new worlds
● Experience of woundedness, loss and abandonment, where grief and shame are intermingled, residing in the psychic history of our lineage
● Collective soul grief of abuses of millions
From the work of Francis Weller in his book “The Wild Edge of Sorrow”
The 5 Gates of Grief
First Gate: Everything we love we will lose.
● Losing someone or something we love
● Loss of those who depart this Earth before us; our parents, spouse, children, siblings, friends
● Loss of home, beloved animals, places you have loved
● Loss from illness or injury; treasured skills and capacities
● Loss of a life dream
Second Gate: The Places that have not known love
● Places in ourselves never touched by love
● Places wrapped in shame and banished
● Places lived outside of compassion, warmth and welcome
● Parts that we hate in ourselves and hold in contempt and that we deny the healing power of community
● Outcast portions of our soul appearing as addictions, depression, anxiety and other symptoms calling for our attention.
Third Gate: The Sorrows of the World
● The losses of the world around us
● Daily diminishment of species, habitats and cultures
● Sorrow for the Earth (not personal but shared and communal)
Fourth Gate: What we expected and did not receive
Things we may never realize we have lost, because we weren’t born into a village with full joyous welcome of our gifts
And so we carry:
● Unconscious disappointment
● Feelings of loneliness and aloneness
● Diminished experience of who we truly are
At the core of this grief is our longing to belong and longing to be longed for.
Fifth Gate: Ancestral Grief
Unacknowledged and untended sorrow of those who came before us:
● Lost connection to land, language, imagination, rituals, songs, stories of their/our ancestors
● Sense of homelessness, orphaned between old and new worlds
● Experience of woundedness, loss and abandonment, where grief and shame are intermingled, residing in the psychic history of our lineage
● Collective soul grief of abuses of millions
From the work of Francis Weller in his book “The Wild Edge of Sorrow”
What Does A Grief Ritual Look Like?
This gathering is about sharing what is true for you, whether it’s tears, anger, numbness or fear.
It‘s about authenticity and connection.
There’s no expectation that you express your grief in any specific way. It’s not designed to “fix or process” you.
We’re hear to listen and express gratitude and share your feelings and experience.
This isn’t a depressing event, it’s a joyful, life affirming one.
All of you is welcome.
Over 3 days you’ll
share, witness, and honor our grief and our joy.
be invited to speak and listen from the heart.
connect to the natural world, other people, and with yourself.
share in simple rituals that honor the fullness and wholeness of life.
It‘s about authenticity and connection.
There’s no expectation that you express your grief in any specific way. It’s not designed to “fix or process” you.
We’re hear to listen and express gratitude and share your feelings and experience.
This isn’t a depressing event, it’s a joyful, life affirming one.
All of you is welcome.
Over 3 days you’ll
share, witness, and honor our grief and our joy.
be invited to speak and listen from the heart.
connect to the natural world, other people, and with yourself.
share in simple rituals that honor the fullness and wholeness of life.
Grief Retreat Details
Space is limited to 20 people
This retreat will be held at a private residence among the redwoods of Santa Cruz, California
THERE WILL BE NO ONSITE SLEEPING ACCOMMODATIONS. Each participant will be responsible for finding their own lodging for the weekend. Snacks and most of your meals are included in the cost of the retreat.
You will be given the location and more details on the weekend once you have been registered and sent payment.
COST OF RETREAT
Tier 1
$450 – this covers retreat's baseline costs
Tier 2
$500 – this contributes equity for those who might need access to tier 4
Tier 3
$550 – this contributes equity for those who might need access to Tier 4 and supports the facilitators in continuing to offer community events and retreats
Tier 4
$350 – this our community supported tier that aims to reduce barriers
Partial Scholarships
We give financial priority to marginalized communities with an emphasis on people whose income is below the poverty threshold.
In order to officially register for the retreat, please fill out the google registration form and pay the full amount.
Please send the registration fee via Venmo or PayPal
Venmo @Joshua-Lowe-22 (last 4 digits of phone# 1287)
Paypal Joshua Lowe@joshualowe1393
This retreat will be held at a private residence among the redwoods of Santa Cruz, California
THERE WILL BE NO ONSITE SLEEPING ACCOMMODATIONS. Each participant will be responsible for finding their own lodging for the weekend. Snacks and most of your meals are included in the cost of the retreat.
You will be given the location and more details on the weekend once you have been registered and sent payment.
COST OF RETREAT
Tier 1
$450 – this covers retreat's baseline costs
Tier 2
$500 – this contributes equity for those who might need access to tier 4
Tier 3
$550 – this contributes equity for those who might need access to Tier 4 and supports the facilitators in continuing to offer community events and retreats
Tier 4
$350 – this our community supported tier that aims to reduce barriers
Partial Scholarships
We give financial priority to marginalized communities with an emphasis on people whose income is below the poverty threshold.
In order to officially register for the retreat, please fill out the google registration form and pay the full amount.
Please send the registration fee via Venmo or PayPal
Venmo @Joshua-Lowe-22 (last 4 digits of phone# 1287)
Paypal Joshua Lowe@joshualowe1393
Who Are The Grief Retreat Guides?
Laurence Cole, a song elder and ritualist from Port Townsend, Washington, has a gift of helping groups of people rediscover the healing power of grieving communally, bringing his special gift of group singing to everything he leads . Guided and inspired by the teachings of Malidoma Somé, Sobonfu Somé, Angeles Arrien, Michael Meade, James Hillman, Francis Weller,, Joanna Macy and many others, Laurence creates a safe and brave, non-judgmental space for folks to rediscover their natural human capacity for healing together. Blending song, poetry, easy grounding movement, small and large group sharing, humor, silent reflective solitude in nature, and the co-creation of a beautiful ritual setting, Laurence provides a journey through the depths and heights of our aliveness, often leading to a sense of renewal, connection and even an awakened capacity for radiant joy.
Joshua Lowe is a licensed therapist (LMFT #105893 ), public educator, musician, and nature-oriented rites of passage and grief ceremony guide. He brings 20+ years experience supporting others in transformational journeying and has supported teens and adults in various communities including high school, men’s groups, nature, prisons, and in the therapy office.
Joshua has been mentored in leading grief rituals by Therese Charvet and Laurence Cole who are carriers of the grief rituals taught by Sobonfu Somé and Malidoma Somé.
Joshua brings a deep reverence for the power of grief ritual as a healing force and is humbled by the opportunity to support others in deepening their relationship to self and community through honoring and expressing grief and joy.
Joshua is deeply honored to be leading this specific retreat with his dear friend and mentor Laurence Cole!
Joshua has been mentored in leading grief rituals by Therese Charvet and Laurence Cole who are carriers of the grief rituals taught by Sobonfu Somé and Malidoma Somé.
Joshua brings a deep reverence for the power of grief ritual as a healing force and is humbled by the opportunity to support others in deepening their relationship to self and community through honoring and expressing grief and joy.
Joshua is deeply honored to be leading this specific retreat with his dear friend and mentor Laurence Cole!
Apprentice to Spirit, Sherri Taylor is deeply and passionately interested in the “being” of being human. She brings over 15 years of holding space for those moving through life transitions of all kinds. Sherri has been mentored in holding space for death, dying, and grief rituals by generous and amazing humans and otherkin. She is grateful for the teachings of Thérèse Charvet and Laurence Cole, who are carriers of the grief rituals taught by Sobonfu Somé and Malidoma Somé
Sherri, unfortunately, has needed to step off the guide team for this retreat, she sends her love and prayers.
Sherri, unfortunately, has needed to step off the guide team for this retreat, she sends her love and prayers.
Marilyn Hunt is a licensed therapist (#50088) and certified IFS therapist who believes that grieving in community is foundational for healthy living. Having lost her brother to suicide at 14, her father to cancer at 24 and mother to a stoke at 32, she found few people who knew how to walk alongside her when the world turned upside down. Her grief invited her into a transformational growth process over 25 years ago which led her to become a therapist so she could accompany others during their dark nights of the soul.
While reading Francis Weiler’s the Wild Edge of Sorrow she immediately felt the need to find a grief ritual. Finding ritual so powerful, she sought mentoring from Francis Weiler, Therese Charvet and Laurence Cole so that she could help facilitate these healing spaces with others. She feels honored to go to the depths of the human experience alongside people and celebrate the joys that come with meeting ourselves and one another authentically.
www.marilynhuntlmft.com
While reading Francis Weiler’s the Wild Edge of Sorrow she immediately felt the need to find a grief ritual. Finding ritual so powerful, she sought mentoring from Francis Weiler, Therese Charvet and Laurence Cole so that she could help facilitate these healing spaces with others. She feels honored to go to the depths of the human experience alongside people and celebrate the joys that come with meeting ourselves and one another authentically.
www.marilynhuntlmft.com
August Materazzi has been involved in men's work since 2005, and has assisted many grief rituals in the Santa Cruz area, where he currently lives. August is an accomplished chef, enjoys playing music, acting in Santa Cruz' thriving theater scene, frequent nature excursions, and exploring expanded consciousness. August is looking forward feeding you, supporting you and welcoming your presence and offerings to this powerful weekend!
Aimee Barrett is someone who deeply values grief work and understands the transformative power of community. Her own journey with community grief rituals began as a way to process the loss of a loved one to suicide during her early childhood. These experiences were compounded by the grief and despair of growing up in a religious community that opposed LGBTQIA identities, creating profound challenges to self-discovery and personal acceptance. These layered experiences taught her how crucial it is to create spaces where individuals can openly share their emotions, find validation, and foster healing through connection. Over the past eight years, she has had the privilege of working as a space holder in various forms, including as a Doula, in psychedelic integration, and now as a therapist trainee. These roles have reinforced her belief that shared spaces are essential for growth and healing, whether in grief or celebration
For nearly 20-years Eric Young has embodied service oriented vocations or hobbies. He loves co-creating events intertwining music, art, technology, and spirituality. Eric feels humbled to learn from Joshua Lowe and his mentors in tending Grief Rituals. His intention is to offer compassionate care and authentic courage while stewarding the land and spiritual space. Eric looks forward to meeting you and sharing time together.
Recommended Resources
Recommended Readings
The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller
Embracing Grief by Sobonfu Some
The Smell of Rain on Dust by Martin Prechtel
Ritual: Power, Healing and Community by Malidoma Some
Soul Craft by Bill Plotkin
The Way of Council by Gigi Coyle & Jack Zimmerman
The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller
Embracing Grief by Sobonfu Some
The Smell of Rain on Dust by Martin Prechtel
Ritual: Power, Healing and Community by Malidoma Some
Soul Craft by Bill Plotkin
The Way of Council by Gigi Coyle & Jack Zimmerman
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